Intentions and Holiday Giving

Since 1977, I have helped terminally ill patients and their families with end-of-life concerns.  This life-long passion has taught me so much about living and every holiday I re-evaluate what it means to have a joyful, meaningful life and what is ‘true giving’. I’d like to share my thoughts with you.

While I love the goodies that come from department stores,  this year I’m looking for less bling and more for loving connection.  How do I define being a loving presence in the lives of those I love?  For many years I think I have gotten it backwards.  And I know I’m not alone.

This year I’m looking at my intentions.  I have always been rock solid in my intent to act out of love and good will towards my family.  But my intentions to love can sometime be misguided by old habits of insecurity or fear.  My need to offer advice, be included or in control seems to come from my evil twin.  The unconscious is such a powerful administrator in our lives.  I want to be very conscious and clear in the messages of love that I give to my family.

When I fast forward to a time in my life when I will no longer be physically or mentally able, I want to be very clear in the messages I have given my family as to how to care for me.  As parents, it is often our intention to not be a burden to our children.  We keep our plans for illness, assisted living and end-of-life to our ourselves, our intention being to not frighten or impose on them.  When I think of those difficult phases of life and those who will care for me, I can’t think of a bigger way to be a burden than not to share with them what I want, how to pay for it, and a roadmap of where everything is.

I may ‘hope’ they will find everything and intuitively know what to do... but ‘hope’ is not a plan.  Leaving them with overwhelming responsibilities for which they feel totally unprepared is not loving.  My job as a parent or loving family member of ‘right intention’ is to get my affairs in order, make choices for assisted and skilled care which are compatible with my personal and financial resources, communicate those choices on an annual Life Planning Day, and write a letter to each family member, letting each know the uniqueness of their spirit and how much they mean to me.  

This year my holiday gift to myself and to those I love is to make my loving intentions known, both for the here-and-now and for the future.

I wish you true lightness of being and celebration of life.

Shary Farr, CSA

Certified Senior Advisor

Founder & President

Partner For Transitions, LLC